Comments for MyShrink Members

Comment on Bonus: BCP Teleseminar by Sky

Sky — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 09:25:51 +0000

What a wonderful hour spent with you (all!) yesterday, though the time seemed to fly by far too quickly. A great Teleseminar, and thank you for answering things I had puzzling me, and are so much clearer now. Each time I feel I learn from everyone’s questions and answers too.
I enjoyed the show so much, even though of course some of the questions are so triggering and unsettling. However for me yesterday’s Teleseminar felt like a group of us all together meeting up somewhere, and it was such a good, and kind of safe and inclusive (if that’s the word!) feeling.
Looking forward to the next one already!!

Many thanks Suzanne
Sky

Comment on Discharge – The Secret to Letting Go by Sky

Sky — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 07:19:48 +0000

I wonder whether this is the right place for this question. Reading about Discharge and yawning on your site led me to the Depression and Dysregulation page, and I came across this:
“Our current understanding of the nervous system leads us to believe that structures in the right brain figure prominently in the development of depression. (This suggests that left brain scolding, such as “just think differently” or “just snap out of it” are not the way to relieve depression symptoms, not to mention insulting to the individual.) This is also why right brain activities such as yoga, painting, crafts and being in nature are so healing.”
Do you think if a child went through pretty heavy abuse and abandonment starting when very young, has depression and anxiety and struggles with it, that she might have the ability and strong need to draw and paint? Also just love to be outdoors and in nature regardless of weather, and enjoy making things with her hands. Is this the mind/brain choosing to use these things/abilities because of the need to just BE in the right brain and so to try and help myself in some way without my even knowing it?!?
It was just a thought I had.

Sky

Comment on Thanks for Joining Us by Samantha Rochard

Samantha Rochard — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 10:35:28 +0000

Thank you…ready and willing to rewire my brain

Comment on Inside Job Part Two by Cathy

Cathy — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 09:44:55 +0000

Wow ok so I’m feeling that I’ve got some work to do to learn how to stay in my “Comfort Zone.” When the words “I’m Outa Here” came up it hit me like a ton of bricks, seems I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Crisis Zone or Freeze Zone. And I’ve been thinking If he Loves me he wouldn’t do all those things that he knows bother me. It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t show his feelings about me but in the beginning didn’t have any problems showing me. So from what I just watched the change has to come from me in order for him to change.

Comment on Brain Rules: Being Present by Sky

Sky — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 07:17:23 +0000

Thanks Suzanne.
After reading your replies and thoughts to both Sarabb and me I feel more positive and it really does make so much sense.
I thought, and know I knew this from all I have learned from you, and then couldn’t see the wood for the trees because instead of thinking about it intellectually, I was experiencing it, lost in it and feeling completely overwhelmed or numb nothingness. And then almost despair.
So thank you.
Safety, and baby steps for starters!
Yours,
Sky

Comment on Brain Rules: Being Present by Shrinklady

Shrinklady — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 19:22:03 +0000

Hi Sky, this is just a thought and I could be way off but given your recent comments and your current state, I wonder if you might be feeling the downside of the biphasic response?

I know I’ve explained elsewhere but let me reiterate it here. If we’ve been in a heightened state for a few days either being excited about something or stressed out, the nervous system will attempt to right itself. It swings in the opposite direction.

In this lower end of the biphasic response, the mistake we all make is to project our state out onto the outside world to something that helps explain it. Then we get stuck there trying to solve or even ruminate about the problem.

I have found that working in Freeze Mode (lower end of the biphasic response) requires something different than working to come out of Crisis Mode. More than anything else, Freeze requires safety.

And while “you” may feel safe, the reptilian brain might not. That’s where curling up in bed and hiding under a blanket can do wonders for gently moving us out of a state. The important thing is to track your sensations as you do so. Let your body guide you to what it wants to do next. Bit by bit move into a more resourced state.

You might also try the stratgies I just listed in my response to Sarabb. And remember, any one strategy might not do the trick, but together they can add up to a “changed” state.

The more you can move yourself out of a negative state, the more you increase the probability that the nervous system will do this on its own in the future. So, while these words might not provide much comfort at present, working on changing your current state is another opportunity for you to move forward.

I wish you the best,

Shrinklady

Comment on Brain Rules: Being Present by Shrinklady

Shrinklady — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 18:58:59 +0000

Hello Sarabb, I’m so sorry…I missed this one the first time around.

I can understand your predicament. If you’re deep in Freeze Mode, it’ll be hard for you to feel your body. You’re numb. And yet coming out of Freeze Mode – when it happens too fast – creates a great deal of discomfort. That’s why the Freeze is there to begin…it’s protecting you from the high activation of those intolerable feelings.

Therefore, it’ll be understandably frustrating if your therapist wants to know “how does your body feel”. You may not have any reference for that kind of question. I certainly didn’t when I first started this work as a client. Yet, the body is probably the easiest route for moving gently out of Freeze.

Your therapist might have some suggestions so I encourage you to keep asking her for ideas. Each time you go to therapy and she helps to contain your activation in a body-based way, your brain is learning. Over time your brain will be able to tolerate more activation (and strong emotions).

The important thing is to gently begin to feel parts of your body. One quick suggestion that I give clients is to squeeze one arm and then notice how the other arm feels differently. In that brief moment when the difference is palpable, you are in your body.

Even focusing on where your body makes a connection to the chair (or couch) will help..inside or outside your therapy. These brief moments might not feel like much on their own but added up over the course of a day will help to “empty out your container” so to speak. You might not be quite so much in Freeze Mode at the end of the day than if you hadn’t done these things you see. (Remember, Freeze is on a continuum.)

Here’s some others you can try at home. They can be used any time however they might be harder to do when you’re riled up or agitated. These states might require some movement in your body. (Video is coming on that one.)

The main ideas is to practice feeling our body in small pleasurable bits.

Have a bath one to two times a day. Bring awareness to when it feels good. Notice and be curious to those areas in your body where it feels good…sorta like taking a tally. Stay in the bath for as long as it is pleasurable only.

If baths aren’t an option or you don’t like them, try a shower and again bring awareness to the good feelings in the body. Get yourself a good exfoliating cream or gel and feel the tingling on your skin. Be gentle though. You want your brain to become used to small subtle changes not huge ones.

Do something that feels good using your hands. I often recommend playing with plasticine. Again, bring awareness to the feeling it generates in your hands. (Kneading home made bread is another excellent hand therapy idea.)

Play your favourtie music and sit in a comfortable chair and let the music wash over your body. Bring your attention to the feelings it generates in you.

So, in using these small baby steps – and with the help of your therapist – you will start to learn how to tolerate the feelings on the edge of Freeze. Hopefully, over time you will be able to avoid the high activation of suddenly moving into the present.

There’s so much more I could say on this topic Sarabb and I plan to in upcoming videos.

Hopefully, this helps a bit.

Shrinklady

P.S. Let us know how your work goes with the Sensorimotor Psychotherapist.

Comment on Brain Rules: Being Present by Sky

Sky — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:56:55 +0000

The best way for me to try and explain what I am feeling is this.
There’s a very thick sheet of very clear glass.
I can understand what you are saying Suzanne. I think I get what the others here are experiencing with their therapists and the experiences they are having, but I am finding it so difficult being able to do something like this too, and so move myself forward.
I feel as though I am on the other side of the glass seeing and understanding, but unable to join in the ability of doing when the doing takes place! I know at the moment I have good (and high) days, and then ‘way down there’ low days, Guess I am in a low negative today.
Anyway, I am working on it, and trying not to get too dejected.
Its really good knowing I am not alone. But at the same moment I am sorry that there others with similar problems in the first place.
Sky

Comment on Essential Conditions by Colleen

Colleen — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:34:43 +0000

Hi! I have a question about a time in therapy that I didn’t feel safety and want to make sure that it makes sense. It’s a little complicated.
For about four years, I was in a counseling situation where I had three counselors. Two counselors were on site with me and one was in a different state but we spoke to her on the speaker phone for our appointments.
One of the counselors (I will call her Mary) have/had sessions with the counselor on the phone (I will call her Jane) also they were good friends.
While I was talking about my pain, Mary was often triggered by my memories and would complain to Jane about it.
At the next appointment with them, I would hear about that I was triggering Mary.
After that, it became very hard to talk about my memories with them.
I am not getting my counseling from these counselors anymore and getting help with a counselor that seems more attuned to me.
Would you have trouble with feeling safety with them? I feel like I messed up.
Thanks!
Colleen

Comment on It’s all about connection… by Pamela

Pamela — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 18:59:22 +0000

Suzanne,
I found your comment on physical vs emotional abandonment to be interesting. Recently I had an epiphany in my therapy.
My father, who was in the Navy, left my mother when I was 2 yrs old and my brother was about to be born. He sent some minimal financial support however we never again had contact with him to visit or speak even at holidays or birthdays. I always thought that was the root of my abandonment anxiety and fear.
I recently realized that my mother was in terrible anguish during this time as she was about to give birth and had no means to support herself or our family. We ended up moving in with her parents and she went to work in a factory to support us.
I doubt that she had much to give emotionally to a baby and infant after working 10-12 hours and was also dealing with her fears of the world. I think that it was only the care given to me by my grandmother, who was home with me and had raised 7 children, that saved me from even deeper emotional wounds.
When I tie my anxiety back to the emotional abandonment from my mother it seems to resonate very strongly although I cannot remember anything before the age of 4 or 5 yrs old.
I am very much looking forward to learning how the emotional template can be updated!